タリン・サザンのインスタグラム(tarynsouthern) - 7月14日 06時18分


The shedding started 4 weeks ago. But last night, despite my attempt to try to preserve hair follicles with cold capping, it began to fall out in clumps. With every gentle motion of my wide tooth comb, more slipped through, resulting in a sizable patch of naked scalp now conveniently hidden under the left side of my center part.

I didn’t originally intend to preserve my hair through chemo with cold capping. Aside from the pain and expense, the cold capping requires careful restraint (no super hot baths, saunas, intense exercise, sun on scalp, head massage etc) - it’s the equivalent of being on a diet and having to avoid all the things that make you feel happy when you’re tired and low energy. Then I learned about the small but real chance of permanent hair loss specifically with my drug TAXOTERE (large class action lawsuit with 14k women currently in process), and decided the pain of the cold caps would be worth the insurance policy.

To my surprise, there’s been something really nice about looking in the mirror these past few weeks and seeing me - not cancer. My hair makes me forget. But staring down the barrel of 2.5 more months of anxiety-inducing showers and daily shedding, only to potentially end up with large bald spots or half a head of hair isn’t ideal either.

If I stopped cold capping, I know I’d quickly grow accustomed to a bare head, reconcile my fears of permanent hair loss, and probably start a fun new game with wigs. But for now, the optionality of continuing versus not has been distressing.

Regardless of what I do, the uncomfortable examination of identity, emotional triggers, and the practice of letting go is all the same. I’m not always good at it, but trying my hardest. Even amidst tears, there’s space for comedy in the whole thing too. (Dark comedy, my favorite!) Curious if any of my cold-capping sisters (or non-capping sisters or taxotere sisters?) - anyone who’s dealt with hair loss really - has thoughts on this. Until then, enjoying my hair, however brief, and the privilege of having just enough to hide the bare reality growing under my left part 👩‍🦲 .
#chemo #coldcap #coldcapping #taxotere #her2positive #breastcancer


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