Robin May Flemingのインスタグラム(robinmay) - 10月23日 02時46分

When people write "inspirational" captions on Instagram, they feel pretty hollow to me. It's the words of truth, torn painstakingly from your real lives, that I adore. That's what fills me up. That's what inspires.
So here are a few words from mine:
Last week I resigned from the job you all celebrated with me, the job I accepted back in the spring. It was a sweet little job, at a sweet little store, in this sweet little town that I presently call home. It paid per hour what I'd make per minute for sponsored content on Instagram. That part was humbling. And yet I loved that dang job.
The store is the geographical hub of our community, and every day I worked there, I met and connected with locals and tourists alike. I stumbled through conversations with folks who didn't speak much English, connecting mostly through smiles; I shed a tear or two (or ten) when customers spilled stories of sadness and joy; and I worked with gorgeous-hearted women who will be lifelong friends.
The owner and her family, especially, reached out and hugged my soul TIGHT. They demonstrated to me something I'd long been seeking—a way of living one's life in perfect step with one's beliefs, confidently compassionate, warm, and forthright. They made me realize how long I'd gone without real-life role models, and how important those figures are in our everyday lives.
But every day I worked there, I suffered. Or, more specifically, before every day I worked there, I suffered.
Because migraines lurked around every corner, and they teamed up with a new enemy: Anxiety. Because I never wanted to let anyone down. I never wanted to call in sick. This was not a job I could muddle through from bed, in the dark. 90% of it was just showing up.
And I never knew if I'd be able to do that.
Mostly, of course, I did. But the second time I sent that I'm-too-sick-to-work text ("I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...") I knew I couldn't keep it up any longer, not without letting those good-hearted folks down...and myself.
So here I am. Two steps back. Typing this from the bleak place of yet another migraine (this one caused by the briefest of stumbles, because that's all it takes).
And I have no idea what's next.

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