レイチェル・ブレイセンのインスタグラム(yoga_girl) - 4月23日 17時14分

This is where I am. A little slice of heaven in the heart of Venice Beach. There are homeless people sleeping just a few feet away and I can hear skateboarders passing by but no one can see me. I've lit candles and rolled out my mat. Olivia just left for the airport with my brother and I'm left with the empty feeling of being alone that always follows the high of togetherness.
I get sad. Super sad. Every time I tell a person goodbye my mind automatically takes me to all of the possible scenarios of how they might die and that this could be the very last time I'll ever see them. It's morbid but I can't help it. Since Andrea died this is how my mind works. Car accidents and plane crashes and death take up a lot of space in my brain because I know now, these things do happen. And not just to other people. To me.

I wallow in the fear of losing the ones I love as the thought hits me: I'm all alone. I mean, I know I'm not; I have a husband and a friend and a brother and a Ringo. But in this moment I'm alone. We are born into this world alone. We die, alone. No matter how many people we accumulate throughout our lives... In the end, it's just us. Our flesh and our bones. Our heart with everything it feels. Me. It's just me.
The sound of a branch snapping above my head brings me back. For a moment I think a cat must have jumped off the roof but, no. It's big. Bigger than Ringo. Black body, white face, long nose. Bright blue eyes. I ask the Google and Google tells me - possum. Big possum. He walks all the way up to my feet, sniffing the edge of the couch.
The whole situation is so very odd. I was all alone, simmering in my loneliness even, and here is this big, strange, furry, rat-like creature that I've never seen before, staring me right in the eye. Hello, he says. I was wondering if you had any food.
I don't, I say. Sorry.
That's ok, he replies. I'll just keep you company for a while instead.

So we stay there, just like that. Him climbing the branches of my little garden in a place I felt so alone in just a second ago. Me staring at the one star I can see flickering in the sky, wondering about God and how love really does live in everything.

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