Nicole Mejiaのインスタグラム(nicole_mejia) - 1月11日 13時20分
On Wednesday (1/6), a rage erupted out of my system in a way that I had never experienced before.
I didn’t even know I was capable of getting to that point—of seeing red.
What immediately followed was a deep and painful grief that ripped through my energetic body.
I became overtaken with this desire to run away.
I woke Thursday morning with that pulsing wound still festering.
My insides ached.
I felt a level of unworthiness and self-loathing that I hadn’t felt in a long time.
I’m grateful to the friends and family who reached out intuitively (and after my cryptic texts) within that 24 hour period. I love the idea of being entirely emotionally self-sufficient, but let’s be real.
It’s scary to be seen in those places. But sometimes, when we begin to spiral in our own shit, we need a hand to pull us onto solid ground.
Ya feel me? 💩
Anyways, back to my story.
I had a last minute podcast recording (@nocovercharge episode 4), which I somehow pulled myself together for.
During the conversation, something clicked or shifted in me.
I felt in flow.
I felt deeply connected to my feminine energy and what I felt, thought, and needed in that moment.
I felt like me.
After teaching a badass lower body workout with my JUMP sisters (which I’m still sore from), I began to experience an outpouring of creative truth and energy that lasted until I put myself to bed around 1:30am.
At first, I was worried that it would be short lived, but I’m grateful to still feel the energy, ready to flow when I am able to give it space.
I don’t recall ever having an experience like this but it feels like I repaired of broke some type of cycle. (Omg isn’t it kind of crazy that both words could work there? 🤔)
I almost don’t want to completely understand it either.
I’m just sort of reveling in it’s magic. ✨
What I do know is that the release of rage forced me to give myself emotional space.
I had been holding it for so many people and wasn’t taking up any emotional space myself.
My feminine forced me to feel.
I know that sustaining this flow will require me to continue asking myself, “what do you need?”
And then honoring it. 🦋
—
Has anything like this ever happened to you?
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