スカイラー・カーギルのインスタグラム(skylarkergil) - 5月30日 00時31分

internal transformation tuesday post comin your way! externally, i’ve been focused on loving my body and meeting it where it’s at. some slight pushes to grow physically, but to be quite frank - everything i eat makes me nauseated and it’s quite unpleasant. i’ll have the second test to confirm my celiac disease diagnosis in june, but until then, am told to keep eating gluten even though that very well may be what is making my body exhausted and sick. all this happened after i told my doctor i poop like twenty times a day and she was like hmm that ain’t normal. fingers crossed my intestines are okay and i’m other disease free!
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mentally, though, i’ve been excavating and planting and harvesting and wow it’s been a journey. about half a year ago, some close friends walked out of my life and i didn’t chase them. i had thought time = closeness, but was too generous in forgiving the toxicity that these relationships were showering upon me. living in fear of how a person will respond or react to almost annnyything is not a way i want to live. i watched a close friend call her partner stupid in front of that partners face. i dealt with that growing up and sort of figured every relationship would be abusive and that’s just how it would be. while it’s been hard to reset my mind around that, i’ve felt more secure in my reality and the choices i’ve made with the relationships around me since letting some relationships go. i mean - it definitely hasn’t been easy in many respects, but i’d rather have a small group of folks i can trust to be real with me and others than a large group of folks talking behind each others backs and overall being kinda nasty to one another. i found out recently about some of my friends talking behind my back, as well as some of my friends specifically not inviting me to things (cause they assume i’m busy rather than ask,) as well as one good friend lying to my face as if i wouldn’t notice. it’s nice to have a firm grounding in reality but dang it can be heartbreaking sometimes for sure. i’m still working on how to confront these instances in the moment so there’s that at least!
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(continued in comments below!)

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