Kate Oliverのインスタグラム(birchandpine) - 10月12日 09時54分
My mom and I were talking on the phone a few days ago.
I called her because I love her, and she loves me, and as I’ve gotten older, our relationship has deepened.
I didn’t have a great relationship with my mom growing up. I wanted to, but we didn’t. I won’t get into any of it here, because she’s sorry, and I forgave her.
I don’t even remember how we got on the subject, but my mom told me she loves me, and loves Ellen, and loves us together.
I asked her if she still thought we were wrong (to be gay). She paused, and then she said that she guessed she didn’t.
We began to laugh. I laughed from my belly - this big, relieved, almost in tears, wonderful laugh.
We went on to have a beautiful conversation - where - for the first time, I was able to really tell her my true coming out story.
Not the painful, trembling, hurtful one where I told my parents for the first time while sitting on my porch in a shaking, terrified voice, but the real story.
The one about falling in love with Ellen.
The one about falling in love with myself.
The one about coming home.
The one about how I always knew, but couldn’t admit it.
How being with men never felt right, how it felt forced.
How the church I was brought up in - the small Midwestern town - even my family...kept me from admitting to myself that I am gay.
It took me twenty-six years to accept who I really am.
I’m thirty-three years old now, and I just came out to my mom in the way I always wanted to. I wanted her to know that this love - this love I have with my wife - is real. Just as real as any other. That this love is so beautiful and special and it doesn’t just make me happy - I’m finally and fully me.
I guess I could have gone on not telling anyone...not even myself. I could have spared myself the pain and fear that I walk around with everyday when I take my wife’s hand in public.
But I want everyone to know that I love ME, and I love HER.
To know my mom loves us for us?
Even better.
Happy National Coming Out Day.
Photo by the lovely and wonderful @cedarandpines
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