ジ・オニオンのインスタグラム(theonion) - 1月2日 04時30分

“Now that the planet I live on has traveled 584 million miles in an elliptical around its star, I’ve decided I need to be healthier and eat less pasta,” said local woman Vivian Turner, revealing that the angular momentum from the Earth’s formation pushing it through 365 full rotations on its axis had previously inspired her to save money by bringing lunch from home. “Knowing that we are once again 91,401,983 miles from the sun, I’m going to start making salads too. I also have to make sure I stop late-night snacking for the entire time the Sun’s gravity is holding us in orbit until we return to this distance, I can’t just give up before the Earth’s tilt begins the gradual warming of it’s top half.” #TheOnion

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